


Spring Break

by inertial



Category: B.A.P
Genre: M/M, Romance, attempted humour, side!banghim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 20:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14316261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inertial/pseuds/inertial
Summary: With Spring here, couples are everywhere.They really get on Daehyun's nerves.





	Spring Break

 

 

**[Spring Break](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIGgSI1uhKI) **

_Daehyun/Youngjae_

*contains mention of rated content

 

 

 

“Do I look good?”

Daehyun smiles. His eyes crinkle at the side as he glimpses up for the umpteenth time at Himchan. Another new shirt, another new pants—yet it’s another look that Daehyun can’t tell the difference from. Was Himchan even wearing pants when he came out here the last time?

“Nope.” Daehyun returns to his game on his phone, waiting for Himchan to huff, storm back into his room and parade out with another change of clothes that doesn’t make a difference. Everyone knows that Yongguk would lick the floor Himchan walks on if it wasn’t inappropriate—he wouldn’t care if Himchan walked out like a colour palette from a children’s colouring book. Heck, Himchan could be wearing plastic pants and Yongguk would probably hail him for being some majestic God of PVC.

The pinnacle of being a couple.

 _Gross_.

“Hey,” Daehyun drawls, slanting his head back as Himchan expectedly stomps back into his room. “It’s already three o’clock. We were supposed to meet Yongguk an hour ago. I think we should get a move on instead of having a fashion show.”

“I can’t,” Himchan whines annoyingly from the room. “All of these clothes make me look fat. I can’t let Yongguk see me like this.”

“Himchan, maybe, just maybe, it’s not the shirt-” Daehyun grunts when Himchan flings a pillow right in his face. It hurts, but to look manly, Daehyun pretends it doesn’t. God, Himchan has inhumane strength. It’s amazing how he hasn’t broken Yongguk in bed when the latter looks just like a bag of sticks.

“How about this one?” Himchan skips out with a pink shirt this time, twirling around excitedly. “This one looks really good, don’t you think?”

“Yes, for god’s sake, _yes_ ,” Daehyun groans, pressing a palm to his forehead in exasperation. “You look beautiful, Himchan. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Can we just go now? I’m tired of Yongguk sending me dumb messages asking me to secretly take pictures of you. It’s messing up my game.”

“Oh my god,” Himchan claps his mouth and giggles like a preschool girl. “He’s so silly. We’re going to see each other later anyway.”

“At the rate you’re going, I really doubt so,” Daehyun smiles, mocking grin digging up into his cheeks. Himchan steps aside as Daehyun wrenches himself off the couch.

“Daehyun, you know, you don’t have to be this bitter. I can help you. Yongguk has this roommate-”

“It’s alright,” Daehyun cuts Himchan off as he kicks open the door and shoves Himchan out. “I don’t think I would _ever_ in my life want to become like you two.” He stops to shoot Himchan a look. “And I’m not bitter.”

“Hey, watch the hands! I just straightened out the edges,” Himchan yelps, evening out his shirt. Daehyun ignores him and stalks to the lift.

“You probably think I’m overdramatic, don’t you?” Himchan huffs as they get into Daehyun’s car. Daehyun rolls his eyes.

“Three hours of choosing clothes. You tell me, Himchan,” Daehyun heaves, starting the car and driving out of the car park. “It’s not the first time, too.”

“I have to look good!” Himchan argues, folding his arms. “I told you about Yongguk’s roommate. He’s crazy pretty and he’s single.”

Daehyun blurts, “What does Yongguk’s roommate have to do with anything?”

“It’s weird a guy as pretty as him is single! Maybe he likes Yongguk or something,” Himchan mutters, biting on his nails.

“You’re the only one insane enough to like Yongguk.”

“Take that back!” Himchan gasps, offended look exaggerated over his face. He slaps Daehyun’s arm and the poor man yelps, leaning away.

“There’s plenty of reasons to like Yongguk. You just have no taste.” Himchan prods Daehyun’s arm insistently.

Daehyun shrugs him off. “He cries over nature documentaries, for god’s sake-”

“It shows his sensitivity to the ecosystem!” Himchan’s shrill voice assaults Daehyun’s pitiful ears.

“He cried over lions _mating_ ,” Daehyun stresses. “I bet he cries while you guys do it too.”

Himchan melts into a small, nostalgic smile, lovesickness dripping from his irises. “It was our first time. Halfway he told me that the spiritual connection was too overwhelming, that it was the first time he had ever felt so in love.”

“I regret saying anything,” Daehyun croaks, inwardly begging for some form of mind bleach. He turns on the radio and a playlist of love songs belt from the speakers, soothing the lovelorn beast within Himchan.

They finally near the café, Yongguk lingering by the door. Once Himchan catches sight of Yongguk, he abruptly screams and wrenches Daehyun’s arm, almost making Daehyun swerve out.

Daehyun hastily stops the car. “Himchan, what the f-”

“How do I look?” Himchan blurts, examining his reflection in the mirror.

Daehyun blinks, jaw unhinged in incredulity. “You nearly made us crash just to ask me how you looked?!”

“Oh my god, he saw us! Hurry, tell me how I look!” Himchan roughly shakes Daehyun, not at all minding that he’s about to shake the poor man’s soul out of him.

“You look fine!” Daehyun shrieks, shoving Himchan off. Just then, Yongguk knocks on the car window, his signature gummy grin plastered against the glass.

Himchan giggles and hops out of the car, crushing Yongguk in a visibly excruciating hug.

“Honeypie!” Himchan pecks Yongguk on the cheek, nearly lifting Yongguk off the ground with his strength. His voice magically jumps several pitches into the typical girl's voice.

“Pumpkin,” Yongguk shyly kisses Himchan back and wiggles out of Himchan’s grip. “What took you so long?”

“He was holding five seasons of Project Runway in our living room,” Daehyun snorts, getting out of the car. He grabs some change and slots them into the parking meter. He turns around to find the couple whispering sweet nothings to each other, nuzzling their noses in the most disgusting manner a person could think of.

Daehyun clears his throat. “Uh, guys?”

“Oh, right, Daehyun!” Yongguk chimes, reaching over to pat Daehyun’s shoulder. “You’re here! Hi.”

“Did you seriously just notice me? I drove your boyfriend here.”

“Thanks!” Yongguk chirps, holding hands with Himchan. “You’re a great friend, Daehyun.” The couple tread towards the café and Daehyun heaves, following behind.

Yongguk holds open the door to the café. “After you, Channie.”

“Thank you,” Himchan giggles and struts in. Yongguk watches with a lovelorn look and walks in without noticing Daehyun behind. The door slams straight into Daehyun’s face.

“F**K!” Daehyun screeches, cupping his big nose. Pain seethes through his face and he glares at Yongguk who doesn’t even spare a glance behind him, tailing after Himchan like a lovesick puppy.

Daehyun whimpers and uncovers his nose, staring at his prized feature. It’s become even bigger, now that it’s throbbing. Angered, Daehyun shoves open the door and storms over to the couple’s table. Yongguk briefly looks up at Daehyun and widens his eyes.

“Oh my gosh, Daehyun! Are you okay? Why are you crying?” Yongguk blurts.

Daehyun grits his teeth. “Because _someone_ didn’t hold open the door for me, only his boyfriend.” He promptly wipes at his face. “And I’m not crying. It’s sweat. Okay, maybe a bit of tears, but mostly sweat.”

“I think he means you, Guk,” Himchan whispers. Yongguk gasps.

“Oh my gosh, I’m- I’m so sorry, Daehyun!” Yongguk’s face melts into an absolutely guilty look, as if he slaughtered every single pet in the universe. “I was just so caught up with looking at Himchan and I- I-”

His eyes start to water and Daehyun swallows, wishing he hadn’t said anything.

Yongguk has the most fragile personality Daehyun has ever witnessed, crying over everything there is to name. He cried when Junhong teased Jongup about his height, saying he felt so bad for Jongup’s plight. He burst out into tears a week ago when he accidentally stepped on an ant nest. One time, he teared up because he accidentally squashed a store-bought sandwich because he wasted an automated machine’s hard work.

“I’m- I’m so horrible!” Yongguk croaks. Himchan promptly buries Yongguk into his chest and pats Yongguk’s back, showering his forehead with kisses. He shoots Daehyun a death glare enough to slice through Daehyun’s head.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Daehyun mutters. “It’s my fault, honestly. I didn’t watch where I was going.”

“R-Really?” Yongguk blubbers. Daehyun begrudgingly nods and Yongguk’s face visibly relaxes. Himchan wipes away the tears welled up in Yongguk’s eyes and kisses him a few more times for good measure—or out of sexual urge, Daehyun doesn’t know.

Yongguk promptly goes back to his sunny self in a matter of minutes. He holds Himchan’s hand over the table and the two begin playing some disgusting finger-version of footsie, groping each other’s hands.

“Let’s order,” Daehyun mentions, sighing when the couple doesn’t hear him. He knocks on the table and Himchan whips his head to stare at him.

“I said, let’s order,” Daehyun repeats.

“Oh, good idea! What would you like, Yongguk?” Himchan cajoles.

“What would you like?” Yongguk repeats the question back to Himchan.

“An iced Americano,” the two chorus at the same time, making Himchan squeal. Daehyun presses a hand to his forehead.

“It’s our couple telepathy,” Himchan explains, as if Daehyun needed some elaboration. Not wanting to argue, Daehyun simply nods, rising from the table.

Yongguk gets up and offers, “I’ll order for you too, Daehyun. What would you like?”

“Vanilla latte. Thanks.”

Pecking Himchan on the lips, Yongguk embarrassedly scuttles away, leaving Himchan to coo over the disgusting saliva now left on his mouth.

“Isn’t he the cutest?” Himchan fawns.

“Nope,” Daehyun truthfully answers, earning a glare from Himchan. Yongguk returns with the receipt and scoots close to Himchan, turning to gaze at him lovingly.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay. How are you?” Himchan giggles.

“I’m okay too.” Yongguk plays with his fingers and whispers, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Himchan breathes, interlocking their fingers.

Daehyun lets out a long breath through his nostrils. “You guys saw each other yesterday,” he groans.

As expected, Daehyun is ignored. Yongguk and Himchan smile softly at each other and begin to have a conversation among themselves, a common circumstance Daehyun finds himself in ever since the two got together.

“What did you do yesterday?”

“Nothing much. I was feeling stressed out so I treated myself to a face mask.”

“You’re stressed out? Why didn’t you tell me?” Yongguk breathes, as if Himchan just revealed he’d been hiding a terminal illness.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Himchan apologetically says.

“Do you not trust me?” Yongguk croaks. He looks ridiculously crushed.

“No! I trust you with my life, Yongguk! If you told me to jump off a bridge, I would! Because I know you’re making me do it for my own good,” Himchan protests.

“It’s just… I want you to be happy. Seeing you happy… makes me happy.” His voice withers into such a dramatic sadness.

“We’re in love,” Yongguk says, determination and shyness contradictory in his voice. “Now, we’re one person. So, if you’re stressed, you need to tell me, because you are me.”

“Aww, Gukkie…” Himchan exhales, burrowing his face into Yongguk’s gaunt shoulder. “That’s so deep.”

 _More like f**king dumb_ , Daehyun bites back the caustic remark, trying to be nice. God, it’s like watching a 40-episode Korean drama condensed into 5 minutes.

“How about you? What did you do?”

“I composed some songs. I… wrote one about you,” Yongguk divulges with a sickly sweet smile.

“Oh my god, really?” Himchan blurts in awe. “What’s it about?”

“Spring,” Yongguk chuckles. “The cherry blossoms remind me of you. I call it _First Day of Spring.”_

 _The most cliched thing you could write about your lover,_ Daehyun almost lets this comment slip. Thankfully, he doesn’t, otherwise Himchan will be out for his blood.

“You’re so sweet. I love you,” Himchan sighs and presses his nose into Yongguk’s arm. “Can you sing it for me?”

“I’m- I’m shy,” Yongguk mumbles, cheek flaring with red.

“Don’t be! You sing so well!”

“I can only rap. I wanted you to sing it, actually, since your voice is nicer,’” Yongguk confesses.

Himchan lets out an incomprehensible noise that sounds just slightly like a coo. “You. Are. Too. Sweet!” He squeaks, making Daehyun cringe and beg for death to release his soul.

Fortunately, the barista calls Yongguk to collect his order. He leaves, but not before telling Himchan. Because Himchan is apparently deaf and can’t tell for himself where in the world Yongguk is going.

Daehyun sighs, finally able to get a word with his friend of five years. “After this, we’re going to the mall behind, right?” He mutters.

“Yup. You wanted to watch a movie, didn’t you? Let’s go watch it together,” Himchan suggests, his cutesy voice suddenly dropping several pitches.

Daehyun scrunches up his nose. “Uh, I’ll think about it.”

Himchan furrows his brows. “Are you still angry about your nose-”

“I’m not,” Daehyun cuts in with a squint. “I just don’t want to be a third wheel.”

Himchan gasps dramatically. “You’re not a third wheel! Why would you say that?”

Daehyun smiles, cocking his brows. “You’re right. I can’t imagine why,” he drawls sarcastically.

“Well, anyway, you’re not a third wheel, Daehyun. Come on.” Himchan pulls his chair closer and Daehyun almost stumbles. “You’ve been waiting to see this movie since forever, so watch it today.”

“Clown Town seems corny as hell, though. I just want to watch it to see how bad it is,” Daehyun remarks.

“Yeah, so watch it. It’s not fun if we don’t watch it together.”

“That’s true,” Daehyun chuckles. “Remember that time when we were watching Annabelle, and this dude threw his popcorn into this girl’s hair?”

Himchan bursts out into raucous laughter as his nostrils widen, back to his unrefined self without Yongguk around. “How can I forget that? The movie wasn’t even scary but he freaked out like someone grabbed his crotch.”

“Hey, I just updated my list of horror movies to binge on. Wanna do a marathon tomorrow?” Daehyun asks, eyes shining with enthusiasm.

Himchan bites his lip. “Sorry, Daehyun. Gukkie and I are going to the beach.”

“Right,” Daehyun mutters, trying his hardest not to roll his eyes. All Himchan ever does nowadays is go out with Yongguk like the two are conjoined by the hip. How do they not get tired of each other?

Yongguk returns at this moment with a tray of drinks and an extra strawberry cheesecake. Himchan reverts to his plastically demure self, batting his lashes coyly.

“Honey, what do you have there?”

“For you,” Yongguk says, setting down the drinks. Daehyun has to reach over to get his drink while Yongguk settles down in his chair.

“Oh my god, Yongguk! You didn’t have to,” Himchan cajoles, taking the plate. “I have to remember this. Let’s take a picture.”

He takes his phone and looks to Daehyun. “Daehyun, can you help us?”

“Sure,” Daehyun heaves, grabbing the phone. Himchan presses his face to Yongguk’s and puckers his lips. Yongguk gives his standard gummy smile, the only pose he knows when it comes to taking photos.

Knowing Himchan will probably ask him to retake the photos, Daehyun sets the camera on burst.

“There, I took twenty of them. Have fun looking through them.”

Himchan snivels his nose. “Well, the first one seems okay. Let’s hope you took a good one.”

He pulls over the plate and smiles warmly at Yongguk. “Let’s share this, mm?”

“Okay,” Yongguk bubbles. He cuts out a small piece of cake and feeds it to Himchan. Himchan takes the fork and does the same, plopping it into Yongguk’s mouth and thumbing his lips.

Daehyun tries not to vomit.

Himchan seems to finally notice Daehyun’s presence and turns to face Daehyun. He tugs Yongguk’s sleeve and grins brightly at Daehyun.

“Daehyun! How have you been?”

“You see me every day; you should know how I am,” Daehyun returns. Himchan clears his throat threateningly.

“I’m fine,” Daehyun concedes.

“We’re so happy to hear that,” Himchan declares mirthfully. “Gukkie, Daehyun’s planning to go on a solo trip to Japan next month.”

“Wow, really? We’re really happy for you,” Yongguk beams. “We want to go to Japan too and try the food, especially the ramen.”

“Gukkie loves his ramen,” Himchan chuckles, poking Yongguk gently.

“Chanie loves his beauty products,” Yongguk returns, biting his lips when he realises the words may potentially offend Himchan. Thankfully, Himchan doesn’t mind, clinging on to Yongguk’s arm while Yongguk feeds him.

“Mm, it’s sweet.” Himchan takes the fork and feeds Yongguk this time. Daehyun bores his eyes through them, letting out the smallest of sighs.

“You make it sweet,” Yongguk mumbles. Himchan hits Yongguk and the poor man nearly flies off the chair, frail form no match for Himchan’s powerful arms.

“Gukkie!”

“I mean it,” Yongguk giggles. “You’re really sweet, Channie.”

Himchan notices Daehyun (again) and quickly turns his attention to the neglected third wheel. “Daehyun, we’re so sorry. Right, Japan—it’s a beautiful place. We’re also thinking of going to Taiwan. We love the food there.”

“Mm, we love the street food,” Yongguk chips in.

“We should book our tickets soon, Guk.”

“We should. Shall we go look at the prices tonight?”

“Yes, after we eat dinner.”

Daehyun twitches. They even talk as if they’re one entity. Does being in a relationship mean you lose all sovereignty over your own being? God, couples are so gross.

“Where shall we eat?” Yongguk questions.

“Anywhere you like, Guk.”

“No, you choose. Let’s eat what you like.”

“No, _you_ choose. We eat what _you_ like, okay?” Himchan whines.

“No, you choose, Channie. I want you to be happy,” Yongguk whispers. “Since you’re stressed now, I want everything to be your choice so you’ll feel better.”

“Guk… What did I do to deserve a man as thoughtful as you?” Himchan grasps Yongguk’s face and presses their lips together. From a chaste kiss, Himchan slyly starts making out with Yongguk.

Right in front of Daehyun and the many other scandalised patrons.

Daehyun stares at them with his lips tightly shut, trying to stop his eye from spasming. Tongue-on-tongue, Yongguk letting out the most boner-killing noises in the world that Himchan sickly gets off to—Daehyun can even see their saliva spraying out.

Daehyun tries not to puke. He grudgingly tries his best to occupy himself with his phone as Himchan and Yongguk finish off with some sweet nothings.

The cycle repeats itself until the couple’s godforsaken drinks are finally finished. Daehyun thanks every God out there as they step out of the café.

They walk to the mall, Yongguk and Himchan with their hands interlinked. As the third wheel who suffers the curse of the narrow sidewalk, Daehyun lags behind several steps with his hands tucked into his pockets. People will probably assume he’s alone, which at this moment is pretty much the same.

There was a time where Himchan wasn’t a lovesick idiot. He had the title of Daehyun’s close friend even though he was an annoying twat most of the time. He liked binging on horror movies and cooked for Daehyun. That was enough for Daehyun’s standards.

Then, he got into a relationship. Daehyun can’t recognise the man who used to sit with one leg draped over the back of the couch—and a blowing hair dryer in front of his pubes. Now, Kim Himchan comes exclusively with his boyfriend Bang Yongguk. They’re like one body with two heads.

Kim Himchan used to spam Daehyun’s Instagram with his ugly selfies. Now, he spams Daehyun’s Instagram feed with uglier couple selfies (Yongguk is far from even remotely good-looking). Another day, another photo of Himchan slobbering all over Yongguk and another bullshit caption Himchan pulls out of his ass of eternal love and soulmates. Daehyun never thought there could be something more annoying than Himchan’s try-hard ghetto girl captions.

Sometimes, Himchan captions about the weather being good and how the cloud looks like Yongguk’s face, not realising how it sounds as if Yongguk’s dead and in heaven. Other times, he’s even more ridiculous, which is a surprising feat. He once said that when he held Yongguk’s hand, he realised that his fingers stopped pointing down and were pointing upwards. And it signified that it was just like how he felt when he was with Yongguk. Daehyun commented, asking if Himchan was just subtly talking about hard-ons, and Himchan cussed him out through private message.

Himchan never wants to hang out anymore, and that’s pretty offensive because the number of friends Daehyun has can be counted with two hands. It’s fine if Himchan ghosts on him, but the lovey-dovey crap he does with Yongguk drives Daehyun nuts. He doesn’t want to hear Himchan call Yongguk his “baby bear boo” or “happy honey heart”, or that bullshit that they’re “meant to be”. He doesn’t want to be traumatised by Himchan and Yongguk romping in the room right beside his. He especially doesn’t want to be the third wheel when he just wants to get a dose of social interaction for the week.

They celebrate every damn anniversary, as if it’s amazing they lasted for another month. Now, Himchan is no more an entity on his own—his opinions come attached with Yongguk’s, which is usually too considerate of the world. Once, Daehyun suggested scaring some pigeons and Himchan, clearly tempted, scolded him because it hurt the pigeons’ feelings (according to Yongguk).

Himchan goes on dumb diets that last for a week, making it so that Daehyun has to eat awkwardly at restaurants on his own. Every stupid thing reminds him of Yongguk. _Yongguk, Yongguk, Yongguk_. Daehyun’s already sick of the dude even though it’s been half a year since they met.

Now, don’t let the bitter spiel make you speculate. To be clear, Daehyun doesn’t like Himchan and he’s not at all jealous that Yongguk gets all of Himchan’s attention. Ew. He got annoyed when Jongup started blowing him off for his girlfriend, but he shrugged it off since he knew the weight of a friend versus a crush.

So, why is he so (justifiably) bitter?

Himchan thinks it’s because Daehyun is single and is always the third wheel on outings. Daehyun vehemently disagrees. It’s only because Himchan and Yongguk are so disgusting.

The shopping mall is crowded. Himchan and Yongguk pace with Daehyun by their side, wowing at every little thing.

“There’s a couple’s special at the restaurant, shall we go there later?” Himchan asks. Yongguk shakes his head and says, “We should go somewhere where Daehyun gets to enjoy a discount too.”

“Oh, right!”

“No, no, go ahead and eat wherever you want. I’ll eat by myself.” Even when he’s not trying to be bitter, the sourness drips from his voice like a broken faucet.

“How can you say that? We came out together as a group, so we’ll do everything together.” Himchan turns and lights up at a giant sign by the side of an ice cream shop. “Ooh, buy one get one free!”

He turns to Yongguk and then to Daehyun. Immediately, he pulls Yongguk past the shop. Daehyun exhales and pulls Himchan back by the collar.

“I’m not in the mood for ice cream, so go and buy it.” It’s a lie, since Daehyun has a stomach specially for dessert. But still, he waits for the couple by the store like the third wheel he is.

Couples swarm the vicinity. Daehyun puffs at his fringe and turns to find Himchan and Yongguk are done. They stroll through the sea of couples flourishing in the accursed season of spring, holding hands and whispering sickly sweet things into each other’s ears. Daehyun does his best to avoid them while trying to stick to Himchan and Yongguk, keeping silent while the couple giggle here and there.

Himchan and Yongguk climb the escalator and another godforsaken couple intercepts Daehyun. Instead of keeping to one side, this couple decides to block the whole escalator because they can’t stop holding hands for a minute. No, it’s not just this guy. Daehyun has been swerving to avoid couples because they form a portable road block with their interlocked hands. He didn’t know holding hands could be so orgasmic that couples would die if they let go to let people through.

This is why Daehyun hates couples. He loses Himchan and Yongguk as a miniconcert starts in the mall, the co-ed singer duo belting out love songs. He spots Himchan looking back after a while, clearly searching for him, but he decides to go binge out on food by himself.

Daehyun isn’t bitter. He goes to a McDonalds and buys a deluxe set, sitting at a booth so the couples have to sit at the two-seater tables and thus have no place to put their stuff. He gorges down his food and sulks by himself, ignoring Himchan’s calls.

It’s been three years since Daehyun has been in a relationship.

Why?

He’s a decent guy, after all. Not really ugly, not particularly an asshole, just a normal guy with a few quirks here and there. He eats way more than the average person and talks too loudly sometimes, but those can’t be deal breakers.

He has a stable job. He knows how to cook and clean. He’s faithful and in his opinion, a nice person.

So why is he single?

Daehyun’s not bitter. Couples are just disgusting as heck. With Spring here, they hang around places like absolute parasites. They block escalators and stairs and make Daehyun miss trains and buses. They feed each other unnecessarily in public and sickeningly finish each other’s sentences. They use the cold as an excuse to snuggle and throw around pet names and inside jokes without consideration for their friends. Must they stick together  _all the time?_

Daehyun tosses away his food wrappers and slinks out of the fast food joint, weaving through the crowd. He locks his jaw as couples brush past him with their oh-so-happy smiles. Psh. Daehyun bets they’ll break up once Spring’s over.

There’s no need to wear the same clothes; nobody needs to know they’re dating. Is it so hard to repress their sexual urges when they’re outside instead of subjecting people to their PDA? Everyone knows they only look so blissful on the surface; behind closed doors, they’re probably fighting all the time.

What’s so nice about cuddling and kisses? There’s nothing sweet about running around trying to find the perfect Valentine’s gift; it’s just a commercialised holiday to exploit fools. Daehyun doesn’t want the extra burden of having to remember anniversaries or worry about someone else’s issues.

There’s nothing great about being in a relationship. He deliberately walks forward as he comes across a couple, forcing them to let go of each other’s hands.

Idiots. They’re all idiots. When they all break up, then they’ll realise it.

Daehyun goes home and huddles in a blanket on the couch, binging on horror movies and cracking jokes in his head. They’re cheesy, and if Himchan wasn’t so busy with Yongguk, he could be here enjoying Daehyun’s jokes.

He hugs his bolster, halting halfway to stare at it. Yeah, this is much better than an actual person. He can just imagine how heavy they would be, lying against Daehyun’s chest and practically crushing his windpipe. He’d have to deal with a mouth that talks back, picks fights, and asks if they look fat in a particular shirt. If his date is indecisive, eating out would be so tedious, especially since Daehyun’s fine with eating anywhere. Let’s not forget what happens when couples share a bed and they have a war over the blanket.

Daehyun sighs. He buries his face into the bolster, his cheek squishing against the sofa’s arm rest.

Well, it’s the world’s loss. He’d be a great boyfriend. He’d take good care of his lover, cooking great dishes for them and surprising them with gifts just to remind them that he loves them. He’d make sure they feel safe in his arms and cuddle anytime they want to. He’d call them every night just to check on them and say goodnight.

Yeah, that’s right. The world’s losing out on him, so he shouldn’t be sad he’s single. The world should be.

Daehyun grabs his tub of ice cream and shoves a huge spoon down his mouth, ignoring the emptiness lingering in his bulging stomach. Three years of spending Valentine’s day alone, staying off social media so he doesn’t drown in the lovey-dovey posts. Three years of watching movies alone in bed and getting blown off by friends because of their lovers.

Three lonely, lonely years.

Daehyun stuffs his face with ice cream.

Whatever.

 

\--

 

Daehyun trudges down the sidewalk, cursing Kim Himchan to the depths of hell. He’d been in bed watching movies when Himchan called and begged him to get the newly-bought bunny ears headband in his cupboard, because he absolutely needed it. Presumably, it’s for his bedroom activities with Yongguk, and Daehyun really doesn’t want to know who it will be used on.

Out of the goodness of his heart (and that Himchan promised to cook for him for one whole week), Daehyun wrenched himself out of his blanket cocoon and paused this awesome zombie movie to deliver Himchan’s kinky crap. He didn’t need to agree, especially since Himchan doesn’t cook that well anyway.

He doesn’t even have his car because Junhong borrowed it to impress his date. Daehyun grumbles to himself as he paces towards the bus-stop, squinting at the couples blocking the entire sidewalk. He rudely barges through one of them and triumphantly breaks their hand-holding barricade, snivelling at the scent of flowers in the air.

Cherry blossoms bloom along the streets, decorating the roads with splashes of pink. He stops to buy some bubble tea and snorts at the couple’s special, deeming the shop discriminatory against single people. He turns and a cherry blossom petal hits him in the face.

Daehyun pries it off his lips and grunts in irritation, flicking it aside. He sits down on a bench beside a couple and waits for the bus. The couple is doing some strange snuggling, the man pressing his nose extremely hard into his girlfriend’s hair like he’s trying to dig a hole.

Daehyun unabashedly narrows his eyes at them, having grown more vocal with his bitterness- I mean, dislike of couples. He rolls his eyes at another couple with the most corny couple T-shirts ever with arrows on them.

How embarrassing. Daehyun boards the bus towards Yongguk’s house, standing by a man writing a cringeworthy text to his wife. He snorts at the heart emojis littered everywhere.

_No, I love you more! Hehehehe~_

Love is such a commercialised commodity. It’s just a scheme for companies to make money off of those foolish enough to fall for it. Daehyun gets off the bus and tries his best to hold the bag with just two fingers, not wanting to get into contact with Himchan’s toys any more than necessary.

Reading off Yongguk’s address from Himchan’s text message, he climbs the stairs quickly, wanting to get out of the building as fast as possible so he can see the ending of his zombie movie.

As he reaches the right floor, he walks towards Yongguk’s unit. While he skims past the unit numbers, he notices a man at the end of the corridor putting on his shoes. He happens to be standing in front of Yongguk’s unit.

Daehyun stops as the man locks the door. The man turns to him and Daehyun blinks, momentarily losing his breath.

_Wow._

The man before him has stunningly captivating features. His eyes are large and glassy; he has a button nose; his pinkish lips are small yet full. He boasts a tiny face along with a slim figure, shoulders broad and legs enthrallingly slender.

The man blinks back at Daehyun and tilts his head. Daehyun finds his bearings and angles his chin towards the door. “Uh, is this where Bang Yongguk lives?”

“Oh, you must be Himchan’s friend. Yongguk said you were coming over to drop off something,” the man mentions.

“Yeah, you don’t want to know what it is,” Daehyun grunts. This must be the roommate Himchan keeps wanting to introduce to Daehyun because he’s so direly afraid this man will steal Yongguk away. His name is Youngjae, if Daehyun remembers correctly.

Youngjae snorts and gets his keys. “Well, just a warning, they’re currently slobbering over each other.”

“No surprise there,” Daehyun heaves. “When are they not?”

“Good point,” Youngjae scoffs. “I’m surprised they haven’t ran out of breath from how much they make out.”

“Yeah, and how they haven’t gnawed each other’s faces off,” Daehyun adds.

“Does it annoy you too? Their gross PDA,” the man asks in distaste.

“Like crazy. I always have to see it.”

“They’re the reason I’m going out for some fresh air,” Youngjae mutters. “Then again, what’s the point? It’s spring. The whole town will be filled with dumb couples blocking the sidewalk.”

“Oh man, I was just cussing them out a few minutes ago. You know when they’re holding hands and you can’t walk through them?”

“Oh my god, I know! That drives me insane!” Youngjae stresses with wide eyes. “Will it kill you two to just stop holding hands for a minute? I can’t imagine how sweaty their hands must be. Disgusting.”

“And they hold hands in the car too. Road hazard much?”

“Yeah, they pretty much do it everywhere. They act like they're on life support.” Youngjae rolls his eyes. “I hate it when I’m rushing somewhere and these couples don’t budge.”

“I know that feeling,” Daehyun raises his voice, feeling an unexplainable exuberance that someone shares his hatred of couples as much as he does. “And stopping to take selfies together, especially on crowded streets?”

“I curse out loud at them when they do that,” Youngjae fervently responds. “You guys have two damn brains working together. How can you guys lack so much social awareness to not realise there’s a whole bunch of people trying to walk down the sidewalk?”

Daehyun nods furiously at the frustrated complaint. “I don’t know either. Couples are just a whole new kind of idiotic.”

“Tell me about it. They’re everywhere. The PDA…” Youngjae starts.

“The couple shirts,” Daehyun continues.

“Pet names that don’t make sense. Tootsie? What does that even mean?”

“Oh god, I know,” Daehyun heaves. “And talking cutely to each other, gross. They’re adults acting like five-year-olds.”

“Yes! And the obsession with cherry blossoms. Why do they need to know so badly when the flowers bloom?”

“So they can take more “aesthetic” photos to show off to everyone how perfect their love life is,” Daehyun grunts.

“And probably caption it with some stupid Shakespeare quote they can’t even understand. Do you know that ‘Wherefore art thou Romeo?’ isn’t asking where Romeo is, but why he’s Romeo?” Youngjae lets out a phenomenal groan, shaking his head.

“I had no idea. But thanks for telling me, so I have another thing to laugh at those couples for.”

“You’re welcome. Next time, you can pass it on and enlighten these idiots.”

The two men melt into a warm laughter, a light-hearted silence falling upon their shoulders. Youngjae averts his gaze for a moment before shyly asking, “Um, what’s your name?”

“Daehyun. You’re Youngjae, right?”

“Ah, yeah. How do you know?”

“Himchan told me about you,” Daehyun remarks with a small smile. “He says you’re really pretty. He’s right.”

Youngjae flushes, letting out a gentle laugh.

“He also says he doesn’t believe you’re single,” Daehyun chuckles.

Youngjae releases a bashful scoff, trying to hide a smile. “Well, I mean, not a lot of guys want to date some lazy bum who stays at home binging movies and snacking on chips.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Daehyun grins. “I love a guy who can appreciate alone time.”

Youngjae smiles and remarks shyly, “And I love a guy who appreciate personal space, unlike those two inside.”

Another bout of silence washes over the two. Daehyun rubs the nape of his neck and asks, “Uh, since you’re going out to avoid those two, do you… want to go get coffee together?”

“I’d love to,” Youngjae returns, lips quirked. “I know this nice café nearby. They have a discount that isn’t for couples only.”

“Sounds great,” Daehyun laughs. “Let’s go there, then.”

They head to the café with their hands coyly brushing, Daehyun ignoring Himchan’s persistent calls.

 

\--

 

Himchan lies in bed with a long face, aimlessly scrolling through his social media. He checks his text messages to see none from Yongguk and sighs in frustration. It’s been a day since Yongguk talked to him, all because he caught Himchan trying to scare a pigeon. Hurt and betrayed that his boyfriend would traumatise an animal, Yongguk decided Himchan needed some time alone to reflect on his actions.

Even Himchan, number one supporter of Bang Yongguk, can tell how ridiculous Yongguk is being. He huffs, distracting himself by refreshing Instagram again and again. Finally, a new post pops up.

Himchan nearly drops his phone. He flings himself out of bed and yanks his door open, storming out into the living room.

Daehyun and Youngjae sit in the living room watching a romantic comedy from the eighties. They’re sharing a huge sweater with two head holes, the front adorned with a big red heart.

Youngjae is sitting in Daehyun’s lap with his head laid on Daehyun’s shoulder, their hands presumably intertwined from the vague lump in the sweater. The couple glance up to Himchan for a moment.

“Daehyun, what the f**k?!” Himchan shrieks.

Daehyun cocks a brow. “What?”

“I know it’s your private Instagram but why did you post a picture of Youngjae in bed—after sex!?”

“What’s the problem? The blanket’s covering my pretty little baby boo. I’d never let you guys see anything more than his pretty collarbones,” Daehyun remarks nonchalantly.

Youngjae giggles at the movie and Daehyun turns over with a soft smile, kissing Youngjae’s forehead. “Is my little baby happy?” Daehyun coos.

“Mm, I’m a happy little baby because of Daehyunie,” Youngjae repeats in a cutesy, toddler-like voice. Youngjae snuggles even more against Daehyun and simpers mirthfully. "I like your Instagram posts. They're all pictures of us, and, and you posted the picture of every gift you got me for every of our one-week anniversaries."

“I want to show you off to everyone, baby. Daehyunie will keep making you a happy little baby,” Daehyun whispers in a low voice. He brushes his nose over Youngjae’s hair and Youngjae giggles some more.

“It tickles, Daehyunie.” He kisses Daehyun’s ear and asks cutely, “When will the cherry blossoms bloom, Daedae?”

“Soon, my chocolate baby pudding pie. You will be surrounded by things just as pretty as you.”

“Oh, Daedae…” Youngjae squeaks. “You’re so cheesy.”

“I only say the truth, my little happy candy baby.”

Himchan clears his throat. “Can we talk about your instagram post? You could have left out the f**king description about how you made love to him over ten times in the same night! You even- you even gave all the rated details!”

“That’s the truth, isn’t it?” Daehyun returns. “I even added a Shakespeare quote to impress my baby.” Youngjae giggles and hits Daehyun lightly, making Daehyun laugh.

Daehyun returns his attention to Himchan. “My baby said I could make love to him as many times as I wanted, as long as I took responsibility. So I did.”

Youngjae blows up his cheeks. “So, you think taking care of me is a responsibility? A burden?” He teases, scooting off Daehyun’s lap.

“Of course not, my little strawberry. Carrying you around, feeding you, tending to you like you’re a little baby… It was the sweetest responsibility I’ve ever had to take,” Daehyun hums, showering his boyfriend with kisses once more.

“Aww, Daedae…” Youngjae whispers. “You are so sweet.”

“Not as sweet as my little honey lollipop. But let’s do a taste test to confirm it.” Daehyun kisses Youngjae’s cheek. “Mm, yes, sweeter.”

He reaches over and slants Youngjae’s head to face him, sealing their lips. He delves his tongue into Youngjae’s mouth and kisses deeply, saliva dripping from their mouths while Youngjae whimpers erotically. Poor Youngjae almost gets his small face gnawed off by Daehyun.

“Even sweeter.” Daehyun thumbs Youngjae’s lips and chuckles, “But somewhere else is sweetest.”

“Where?” Youngjae cheekily says, pushing Daehyun’s chest with his fist. “You naughty big boy.”

“Somewhere pink and full of sweet honey,” Daehyun purrs. Himchan nearly belches.

“Delete the damn photo, Daehyun. I don’t want Youngjae’s hickeys and after-sex face on my feed!” Himchan yells, trying to get the couple’s attention.

Daehyun flickers his eyes over in annoyance. “Just unfollow me.”

“I’m your closest friend!” Himchan blurts. “How can you cut ties with me on Instagram?”

“Because I can.” Daehyun looks over when Youngjae shrinks back slightly. “Did the loud man scare you, my little cherry baby honey peppermint pie?”

“Mm. A little, Daedae.”

“Oh my god, Youngjae, your best friend Jaebum plays _metal_ , how can you be scared of me talking-”

“Himchan,” Daehyun warns. “You’re going to scare Youngjae.”

“It’s okay, Daehyunie. I’m not scared if I’m with you.”

“You’re so brave to not be scared of the strange man, my little honey baby blueberry bun.” Daehyun melts into a sly smile and reaches behind to squeeze Youngjae’s butt, making the man squeal.

“What nice buns.”

Youngjae cheekily reaches over and grabs Daehyun’s crotch, making the man jump. “And what a huge… banana.”

“I love banana buns,” Daehyun chuckles, raising his brows mischievously. “Banana in the buns.”

“I love banana buns with white cream filling,” Youngjae cutely chirps.

“What a naughty little kitten,” Daehyun clicks his tongue.

“Oh my god,” Himchan wheezes. “You guys are disgusting.”

“We’re in love. You just don’t understand,” Daehyun snorts.

“Whenever you guys are at home, for the entire day, you guys always wear your dumb custom-made _one_ sweater with _two head holes_. How is that not ridiculous?! Aren’t you guys hot?”

“It is hot, but I like it,” Daehyun provides. He flashes Youngjae a smirk. “I like to feel my baby all sweaty under me, with his-”

“Stop, please,” Himchan interrupts, covering his ears. Daehyun snorts.

“Anyway, I just want to feel close with my little raspberry sugar coffee fluffy cupcake cookie oreo marshmallow, so we’re wearing one sweater,” Daehyun explains. Youngjae looks over with doe eyes.

“D-Does that mean that you only want my body?” Youngjae sadly whispers.

Daehyun fervently shakes his head. “No, I would never. I want to feel close with you physically, but not because I love making love to you. I love you and I want to always be with you.”

“Without you… I will die,” Daehyun breathes in a downcast tone. “We are like this sweater. There is only one heart. If you are not with me, half of my heart is gone.”

“Not all of it?” Youngjae sniffles.

“The other half of my heart that is still here… is yours,” Daehyun says seriously, holding Youngjae’s hand tight. “Because you gave half of your heart to me.”

“No, I gave all of it to you,” Youngjae mumbles.

“Then, you have all of my heart too. Please take good care of it,” Daehyun says. “By that I mean please take good care of yourself. Because if you are hurt, I am hurt.”

Youngjae nods, contented with the analogy. “Do not break my heart, please. It is fragile.”

“If I break your heart, I am breaking my heart, since I am using your heart.”

“Okay, shut up. Let’s not talk about the sweater," Himchan cuts in, exasperated. "You guys have been holding hands since morning. You guys do everything together—even go to the toilet!”

Himchan glares at the two whispering sweet nothings to each other and coughs loudly. Daehyun whips his head towards Himchan.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” He doesn’t give Himchan any time to speak, passionately thrusting his tongue into Youngjae’s mouth and making the shorter man writhe under him.

“I give up,” Himchan sighs and trudges back to his room.

 


End file.
